I dreamt of this year seven years ago as a 14 year old. Seven years ago, I was with a guy I met online in a game and he was what I’d consider as my first boyfriend. At the risk of sounding lame, there is a real personal significance in why this post needs to exist.
JMD will be his name for our purposes, and God used JMD powerfully in my life at the time. It was the days of MSN and Bebo. He was American, living in Burbank, Washington and although the time difference meant that one of us had to die of sleep deprivation to keep the relationship going, it was often him. He was homeschooled, you see, so it didn’t really matter that he slept at insane hours.
I’ll tell you though, he was a type of “first love” character. God showed me first the propagating faith and passion for Christ that a person can have, regardless of how close or far that person was. In my own house I was surrounded by judgmental and overbearing people, yet thousands of miles away was a boy whose faith was honest and real and was contagious to me. God used him to teach me firstly what youthful passion in Christ looked and felt like.
He was also used to teach me what love felt liked. All the thrills, laughter, sadness and inevitably, heartbreak too. I remember in the days of the relationship I shared with my classmates the “everlasting love” I felt for the guy and my classmate just said, “aww, puppy love” and I was very offended that she would call something this awesome a fleeting name.
Possible the biggest lesson that the relationship taught me though was what love was not. I remember at the end of our relationship, I wanted to be with another guy. Naively I told JMD that I had loved him with all my heart, to which he said, “You never loved me.” This wounded me beyond words but what he said next has never faded from me since that day.
"You never loved me. Love never ends".
And with that, I realised that love was so much more than just a feeling or a season or a fad. It wasn’t until David though that I learnt how to apply that to my walk with God, that His love never ends. It’s amazing to think though that it was learnt through an experience at 14!
The reason though that this year is important is because we used to count down the days until we would be able to fly to each other. It counted 2500+ days back in Year 7 or 8, but it would actually be this summer that that would have happened. God taught me at the time that things were in His control, and JMD and I were patient in it. I became a Christian within this relationship too, so all these things were not only new but exciting!
Well, back to reality! JMD is now blissfully engaged to a really beautiful and artistically talented young lady. I don’t know if he’s still walking with Christ. After the end of our relationship, our friendship was very toxic and filled with bitterness. I hurt him a lot more than I can comprehend, I think, and it has stayed with him since then. I know it is so unlikely to ever meet him. I hope I’ll see him in the New Kingdom as well as with his lovely fiance and soon to be wife. Wow. I might even meet his children!
I am so thankful for David though. Love him heaps. I am happier with David than I dared to hope or pray for, even when there are very dark times between us. God is faithful, and God has really continued to bring us through each challenge to the praise and glory of His goodness and grace.